To Search For All The Reasons
by lazy fat kitsune
Summary: He wondered why it was so wrong to love someone.


_**I refuse to state the disclaimer because it is all too obvious that I do not own this. Usual warning...wait, if you don't like this type of stuff, why are you in the Gravi section or reading my writings?**_

_**The rest of you can go ahead. **_

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**_To Search for All the Reasons_**

I screamed. Not only because of physical pain, but due to the blatant fact that I had somehow betrayed Yuki. As their rough hands slithered all over me, I kept telling myself that all I wanted to do is to protect Yuki, that the pain I am receiving now is nothing compared to his.

When I first saw him, I thought that his eyes were so cold. Yet somehow, I knew that there is more to him than just coldness. And all of a sudden, I had felt an unfamiliar stirring in my heart. The cool way he brushed me off filled me with hurt and a sense of awe. And I find the way his eyes pierce through me as if they are searching my soul completely breath-taking.

"You like him, don't you?" That taunting voice pushed me back to reality where I laid on the cold floor in an unknown car park filled with echoes of people snickering. Yet those words reminded me of warm dark crimson hair. Hiro. He had said those exact words that fateful day. All of a sudden, tears threatened to break forth.

Slowly I tried to stand, to preserve whatever little dignity I could. I cannot, must not break down in front of these strangers who had all but stripped me of almost everything, physically and emotionally. But I have to do this. For Yuki. For him.

A fist once again buried itself below my ribcage, and I could not help a gasp from escaping as I once again slumped to the floor on my knees. Tight grips latched on my hair, and violent hands once again plundered me. And I could no longer hold back the screams or the tears. But all I could still think of was Yuki. All I wanted was him.

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I limped through the busy roads filled with cars and other people, heading towards Yuki's place. Somehow I just wanted to run to him, to apologise for doing this, to explain. 

"_What I hate is you."_

After those words, how could I tell him? How could I look him in the face and tell him what I had done, and more still, use the pathetic excuse that I have done it for him? Even if it is true, I cannot push the blame on him, for I had undergone that willingly.

I turned away, struggling to remain on my feet that suddenly gone weak.

Hiro…

His concern, albeit through the phone threatening to fall from my grip, was palpable, and for that I was grateful because I knew he would be the only one who would never hate me, no matter what or who I am. Because right here, right now, leaning against the wall, feeling like dirt, I could not help remembering those devastating words from the one and only person who meant the world to me. I could not possibly forget those uncaring unfamiliar hands roaming all over me, making me feel like the filthiest person alive when I only wanted to protect him from harm.

I love him. _Even though he said he hated me, I knew I loved Yuki._

_If I am an annoyance to Yuki, he'll really hate me._ I don't want to be an inconvenience to him or to anyone else.

_I'm sorry, Hiro._

I just want to love him, be with him. _  
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How could it be…

That _I was bad…because I love Yuki._

But…I do not understand.

_I did not do anything bad._

Is this back to square one, that_ I am not supposed to love him because he is a guy?_

Why is fate so cruel to spin me along this wheel where I am forced to chase after his silhouette that seemed to moving further and further out of my reach?

And now…_will he really hate me because I messed up?_

Why…

_Is wanting to be with the person you love__ such a bad thing?_

Why can't I give Yuki up?

Why can't I stop loving him?

Why does he hate me so?

Why is it so hard to love someone?

Somebody please tell me…

Hiro…

Anyone…

Tell me…

Why?

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**_I always wanted to write this. But when I did wrote it, it turned out somewhat...different. Odd..._**

**_anyways, CCs are welcomed. Don't flame me, this is my opinion on Shuichi's thoughts. Note the "my opinion". _**


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